The series kicks off with a recap of how Ted (Seth MacFarlane) came to be. The present-day takes place in Framingham, Massachusetts 1993. Young John (Max Burkholder) and Ted are playing Nintendo, trying to dust off a game to get it to start up, and they finally succeed. Blaire (Giorgia Whigham) marches downstairs looking for car keys, then Ted and Blaire spark up an argument. The crude humor and language are effective and funny in this sequence.
At the family dinner, Susan (Alanna Ubach), Johnny’s mother, refuses to curse. Matty (Scott Grimes), Johnny’s father, discusses his bad day at work. He mentions how the car got busted up, and how it got busted up outside the Hong Kong cafe; making a clearly racist implication. Blaire calls him out on it and he retaliates by implying that Blaire isn’t a member of the family.
Blaire’s relation to the family is revealed when she refers to Matty as “Uncle Matty”. Blaire calls out Matty on his racism by calling him a “classic Boston racist”. She takes it a step further by pointing out the racism throughout the house, particularly with Ted. She points out how there’s a “lack of education” leading to many of the ignorant comments the Bennett family make. Blaire says Ted should go to school and Susan agrees.
Ted argues that he needs to stay home because of TV. The next day we get a glance into a day in the life of Ted with the house all to himself. Ted grabs a gun, and sets up a slip n’ slide behind him. He fires the gun and slides down the slip n’ slide. Ted then slips and falls shooting through the window of the house, and into the TV, destroying it.
Later that night Matty and Blaire return home, and they both notice the broken window and storm into the house. Ted has three women with him on the couch. Matty sees Ted and the women, then spots the TV. This incident pushes Matty over the edge and he agrees that Ted needs to be sent to school. While they’re laying in bed at night, Johnny prepares Ted for how much school is going to suck.
At school the next day, Johnny stares at a girl in her car, then he gets bullied in the schoolyard. Ted stands up to the bully for him, and Johnny thanks Ted and says he’s glad Ted is at school with him. Ted begins his day at school with the goal of trying to get kicked out. He makes a crude joke to the teacher in his class, and the teacher has a meltdown because what Ted joked about ended up being true for the teacher in his life. The teacher proceeds to overshare information about his personal life and scares his students.
At lunch, Ted tries to get kicked out by jumping out of the hot dog cooler and scares the lunch lady. The principal (Penny Johnson Jerald) sees right through Ted’s tactic and she commits to trying to make a successful student out of Ted. Ted is now aware that he’s going to need a new tactic if he wants to get kicked out of school.
Now in the schoolyard after classes, Johnny and Ted see the same girl from this morning, only now she’s sparking up a joint in her car. Johnny says to Ted that he should try and buy drugs off of her because that will surely get him kicked out. Ted wants Johnny to go up and talk to her since he stares at her every day, and this would be the perfect opportunity for him to actually talk to her.
“They both approach here. John is terribly awkward and too young, so Sheila (Charly Jordan) denies him.” Ted makes a plea that since he’s a teddy bear and she says she could hook them up with her connection. Ted and Johnny go to the apartment of the connection, Ted knocks, the door opens and the connection turns out to be Blaire!
Ted makes a bunch of jokes in sequence before he and Blaire and Blaire’s friend Sarah (Marissa Shankar) agree to sell him pot. Blaire and Sarah need the money to pay for school and Ted needs the pot to get kicked out. Ted promises Blaire that he won’t give any to Johnny since he’s only 16.
Later that day, Johnny tries to convince Ted that he should smoke weed. His argument is that he thinks of himself as a loser since he’s never tried anything that most of his classmates have tried. He wants to seem cool and smoking will make him seem cool to his classmates. Ted agrees and he and Johnny suit up (literally) before smoking for the first time together.
They smoke and then make it painfully obvious to the rest of the family at dinner. After dinner, Blaire storms into their room and confronts Ted. Ted then runs away from Blaire and she chases after him. Blaire eventually gets a hold of him, and says he needs to get rid of the weed or she’ll be in deep trouble for introducing her underage cousin to drugs. Ted agrees after Blaire threatens to throw him in the washing machine.
Johnny and Ted go to school with the weed to try and get Ted kicked out, but the bag is stolen by the bully Clive (Jack Seavor McDonald). Ted trash-talks the principal to her face and Johnny and Ted are dragged into her office. Ted simply can’t get in trouble and has to come up with a backup plan.
At home later that day, Johnny and Ted sneak into Blaire’s room. They find another bag of pot but then hear Blaire and Susan coming up the stairs. The boys hide in the closet just before they enter. A cockroach scares Johnny and Ted, they are found by Blaire and spotted with the drugs by Susan.
Blaire takes responsibility, and Matty confronts her. It’s revealed to Susan through this heated argument that Matty is charging Blaire rent. Susan feels angry toward Matty after this, and Johnny and Ted go to apologize to Blaire. She explains that her father is a drunk, her mother has mental issues, and her brother is in prison. She claims the Bennett family is cursed, and she doesn’t want Ted and Johnny to fall under this family curse. She feels failed now after this incident. Blaire is kicked out of the house, and Johnny and Ted feel responsible.
They go to the bank, retrieve a box, and bring it to Matty. Ted tells the story of how he is close with Sylvester Stallone, and inside the box is Rocky’s mouthguard. Ted offers it as a gift to Matty, a huge Rocky fan, on the condition that Blaire gets to move back into the house. Matty agrees Susan is pleased, and Ted and Johnny redeem themselves as Blaire gets to move back home. She is thankful to Ted and Johnny and says they won’t fall under the family curse because they are different, they are better.
This episode serves as the perfect beginning that this series needed. The same humor from the Ted movies is injected into this series perfectly. The performance by Seth Macfarlane as Ted is on par with his performance in the films, and the new cast members fill their roles perfectly. Especially Giorgia Whigham as Blaire and Max Burkholder as Johnny.
In addition to the very well-done comedy in this episode, Ted is very well-written too. The plot is set up quickly, and it progresses naturally throughout the episode. The character dynamics are compelling and the story is set up in a way that makes you want to keep watching.
Rating: 9/10